For all the mothers and fathers out there: if you’re reading this, don’t be offended that your offspring look so forward to getting back to college any time they’re home for more than 72 hours.
#1 When I’m home, my mom likes to play a little game called 21 questions. Have you eaten yet? What did you have for breakfast? For lunch? Have you been drinking enough water? How are you feeling? Did you take your vitamins today? News flash ma, if I am able to survive on my own at school, I can still manage at home without all of these questions. But don’t get me wrong, I still love that woman.
#2 Even though we’re still broke, being home means sucking up to grandparents, aunts, uncles, or whoever is easily guilt-tripped into giving you money. Or maybe others even do what I do and take it as an opportunity to steal a 20-dollar bill out of daddy’s wallet whenever he has too many 20s to even notice. So now you get to get back with a bit of extra cash, and we all know… the more money, the merrier (because that means more drinks, more late night pizza, etc).
#3 Not moving from the couch for a whole day while binge-watching Netflix or any TV show for that matter – without our parents making us feel bad about ourselves – lets us feel like we actually are being pretty productive. I completed the entire first season of Californication in ONE day? Beat that, sista.
#4 There is no such thing as judgment day. We don’t have a curfew and we can bring as many different boys home during one week as we wish. Best of all, we can sleep at a guys’ place and walk home the next morning without feeling like it’s the walk of shame, but instead the stride of pride, the victory lap, or even the laid parade.
#5 Drinking at any time of the day or any time of the week is totally acceptable. Whether it’s on a Tuesday night or right when you wake up on a Saturday morning, what does it matter? Also how we drink is another great advantage of being at school. Whether we drink from the bottle, the box, or chase a shot with ketchup (yes I have unfortunately witnessed someone chase a shot of vodka with ketchup), either way we have no parental units telling us what we can and cannot do.
#6 Lastly, whenever we wake up with a horrible hangover, the yearning for carbs and grease begins that very second. However, being in the presence of our parents or any civilized adults prevent us from living life to the fullest, and by that I mean shoving as much food as possible down our throats every second of that entire day.